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When Knowing Is Important


Suspicions of infidelity in a relationship can be extremely stressful and emotive. You need to know for your own peace of mind but what can you do? You need some independent evidence to support your concerns. 

Before you consider taking any form of personal or legal action make sure you get the facts and make sure they are 100% accurate.

Statistics show approximately 1 in 2 marriages are failing. It is therefore reasonable to assume that a large proportion of these breakups are due to infidelity.

So, how do you know if your partner is being unfaithful?  Well, the fact is, you may not know or may not find out until months, sometimes years later.  You may have thought to yourself “ that’s odd, why did that happen”. When this thought crosses your mind maybe your intuition is telling you something.

Whether or not you are already in a committed relationship, marriage or defacto, you might simply require reassuring that all is well before advancing to another level. If you have raised the subject of loyalty with your spouse or partner and received denials of infidelity but your suspicions remain, you might want to consider asking him or her to take a Lie Detector Test. These tests also referred to as Polygraph Tests are now readily available and are cost effective and time saving.

The following clues may help you to recognise some of the signals in establishing if your partner is being less than honest or unfaithful to you.

The list does not purport to be conclusive, nor is it scientifically researched and proven.  This list is compiled from client feedback and general life/work experiences and serves only as a guideline to be read in conjunction with whatever is happening regarding your personal circumstances at that time.    


An increase in personal appearance e.g. hair styles, makeup, keeping in shape, perfumes/after shaves
New clothing and in particularly under garments
Taking up new hobbies and interests and joining clubs
Taking up extra curricular studies/night classes
A deviation away from previous routine or enjoyable activities/interests
Being regularly short of cash for normal purposes
Unexplained cash withdrawals, credit card use or bank transactions
Suspicious phone calls to your house; no one there when you answer
The phone ringing once, or callers hanging up on you
Staying out late and having more frequent after works drinks sessions
Working longer hours
Extra business trips
Taking days off work at short notice and without real reason
Mood swings
Staying up late at night watching TV until after you go to bed
Popping out to the corner store for 5 minutes but taking 30 minutes or longer
Excessive time spent on the computer and at regular times of the day/evening
Being guarded with their cell phone and having it on silent alert or vibrate when around you
Leaving for work earlier than usual for no obvious reasons
Coming home from work later than usual for no obvious reasons


Your intimacy/sex life begins to decline or become different
There maybe a desire to start experimenting and trying new things sexually
Sex with you might stop altogether
When conversing they appear distant and seldom engage eye contact  
Not wanting to socialise with you
Not wanting to do leisure activities together
The feeling of them being evasive
An objection to your normal innocuous questions in everyday conversation

Short temper and showing less tolerance towards you
Becoming less communicative

A person may well exhibit some of these clues individually and it may be quite innocuous and explainable i.e. a genuine desire to improve the relationship or their own appearance and self esteem. There may well be pressures at work or in their personal circumstances that are contributing to their change in behaviour and attitude towards you.

However, if several of these activities or behavior become more frequent then certainly your suspicions might be aroused.


  1. There are two basic options: Be up front and ask him or her if they will take a Lie Detector Test. Or, say nothing and follow the notes below.
  2. Keep your own behaviour towards your partner as normal as possible
    (The theory is: enough rope and they will eventually hang themselves)
  3. Keep your own discreet diary/notes of their behaviour
  4. Endeavor to locate some written or physical evidence, receipts, text messages, emails, online banking transactions, phone statements etc. This evidence will include:
  • Receipts of credit cards/eftpos/cash showing: meals, bars, gift purchases from stores, petrol, business cards

  • Names/phone numbers/addresses written on napkins, match boxes/cigarette packets, business cards

  • Looking in briefcases, wallets, purses/handbags, desks, vehicles, diaries and appointment books, clothing pockets for the above items.

  • Checking the partners clothing for aftershave/perfume, lipsticks

  • Checking the vehicle for extra or a change of clothing or anything unusual

  • Checking the vehicle odometer to confirm distances traveled.

  • Checking telephone and cell phone accounts for numbers frequently called or text or ones you are unfamiliar with

  • Checking the redial button on your land line telephones and/or  mobile phone

  • Files held on his/her personal computer e.g. Emails, Pictures, other folders

Speak discreetly to friends, family and your partners work colleagues to confirm his/her alibis.


Do not attempt to conduct your own surveillance

  1. It can be extremely risky and dangerous

  2. It may be very hurtful and confrontational

  3. It may compromise and damage a perfectly stable relationship particularly if the partner is innocent and you get caught out spying

  4. Think carefully about what legal or personal action you take
  5. Do not confront your partner unless you have good solid evidence  
  6. Surveillance is very much a Specialist area
  7. Surveillance can be used not only to reveal the guilty, but also to clear the innocent


You may have heard previous parties in a broken relationship say "Everyone knew except me", "How could I have been so stupid, so blind", "Why didn't someone tell me", "If only I had known".

More often than not, close friends and/or work colleagues do have an idea of what is happening in your relationship but are too afraid to say anything for fear of being branded interfering, trouble maker or disloyal.

Once you have had your suspicions confirmed and obtained some form of evidence, then you might consider the next option of "Covert Surveillance" or LIE DETECTOR TEST. This is where "APEX" can help you.